


i'm going numb (i've been hijacked)

by WinterSabbath



Series: Frostiron Bingo 2019 [14]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, BAMF Loki, Betrayal, Elf Tony Stark, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Open to Interpretation, Pining, Protective Loki (Marvel), Sad Ending, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, could be, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-26 23:49:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20398186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSabbath/pseuds/WinterSabbath
Summary: “What’s that noise?”“Just my people taking over your castle.”or the one where Prince Anthony of Alfheim trusts too quickly, Prince Loki of Asgard betrays too easily, and a casual affair ends in pain, confusion, and anger.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> dialogue prompt from the-modern-typewriter on tumblr
> 
> \--- 
> 
> bingo square O3: trope: betrayal

Prince Anthony was a master of courting. In fact, one could say, it was one of his most prized skills with which he _knew _how to work his way around the entire process, knew how to sweep anyone off their feet. It was enjoyable to court and to chase someone. Then again, most of the ones Anthony courted did not last very long.

Regardless, it was still odd for Anthony to find himself on the other end of the stick, being the courted one instead.

But who was he to complain if a handsome, witty _and_ intelligent Prince of Asgard wished to take him as a lover? It was as though all the qualities he would like for a partner was fitted into one man and then handed to him. Loki was everything that Anthony wished for, everything that he hoped to fall in love with—the perfect man.

Which is why when a servant knocked on Anthony’s door and said, “Your Highness, Prince Loki wishes to see you in his quarters,” Anthony was not at all surprised. The courting had been going on for four weeks and he was used to it.

“I will be there soon,” Anthony said, standing in front of the mirror and fixing his hair. A besotted smile had unknowingly crept up his face and he tried to tame it as to not resemble some sort of giddy maiden. He was a _Prince_, for the love of the Norns.

He put on his small crown knowing Loki liked how it looked on him. And then he made sure his clothes weren’t a mess before deciding to open the door and heading to Loki’s guest chambers. Anthony had invited him to stay over a week ago but the King and Queen would not allow that Loki sleep in Anthony’s chambers so as a compromise, they gave Loki temporary chambers that were a floor below Anthony’s.

A few servants bowed to him as he made his way to Loki’s and he just gave them a friendly smile. Anthony was no terror of a prince. In fact, he much rather befriend the servants of the palace than have them scared of him.

He stopped in front of Loki’s chambers and gave it a soft knock.

“Yes?” called out Loki from the inside.

“It’s Anthony,” Anthony answered. He adjusted his crown one last time before Loki opened the door and greeted him with a smile.

Loki pulled Anthony inside and regarded him with awe. “Ah, you look as beautiful as always.”

“Loki...” Anthony huffed, his cheeks flushing red at the compliment no matter how much he tried to stop them from doing so.

“I only speak the truth, my courted.” And that would have been a good time for Anthony to lean over and kiss Loki but... Loki was strict about courting rules and he claimed that unless Anthony answered his courtship, there will be nothing further than a bit of cuddling. But oh, Anthony would have answered him days ago! The only reason he has not was because Loki had not asked yet.

Loki took his hand and led him further into another room where a table had been set up and the room was lit with candles. Anthony was glad it was quite dark because he was certain his cheeks were bright red.

“Loki...” he said again.

Loki chuckled and kissed Anthony’s hand in response. “My darling, is my name the only word you know?”

“Oh, do be quiet,” Anthony pouted, gazing around the room. There was a soft sound record player playing in the background, a bouquet of flowers on the table that Loki most certainly picked himself and then two plates of food opposite to each other. “It’s beautiful...”

“Nothing compared to you but I am glad you appreciate it,” Loki was quick to respond. He brought Anthony over to one of the chairs and pulled it out for him like the gentleman he was. Anthony knew even he was not as gentle as Loki was. Loki was perfect—too good to be true.

Loki reached over to put the bouquet beside Anthony so it did not get between them. “Let us eat,” he smiled.

Anthony nodded eagerly and dove right in—to Hel with looking prim and proper, Loki was one of the best cooks Anthony had ever met. Just this once, Anthony let go of his royal poise.

Loki was smiling at him the entire time, he could feel it. It was the most loved Anthony has felt in his whole life.

Once they finished their meal, Loki cleaned up the plates with his magic—another reason why Anthony was in awe of him. Anthony knew a little bit of magic, sure, but it was _nothing _compared to what Loki could do. Loki was a proper mage, perhaps even the most powerful one in the realms.

“I have been planning for this night for a week now,” Loki murmured while Anthony was musing about him. He took something out of his pocket, “and as you are not something I take so lightly, I did my very best to ensure you would like this.”

Anthony had an idea of where this was going and he gasped when Loki pulled out a necklace and held it in front of him. “Prince Anthony of Alfheim, the greatest mind in all the Nine Realms, would you do me the honor of being my beloved?”

“I have been waiting for you to ask that for a while now. I would be honored, Prince Loki,” Anthony grinned, moving forward in his seat.

“This pendant is a promise that I will do my best to ensure that no physical harm ever comes upon you,” Loki said, “It will act as a shield and as a token of my love for you. Should anyone dare touch you with malicious intent, they will immediately be disintegrated.”

“Woah,” Anthony whispered. How had he gotten so lucky?

“Shall I?” At Anthony’s nod, Loki stood from his seat and walked over behind Anthony and wrapped the necklace around his neck. “Perhaps we should seal it with a kiss?”

Anthony could barely contain his excitement as he stood and exclaimed, “Yes! Of course, yes.”

Loki pulled him closer and their eyes locked for a brief moment before Loki leaned down and kissed him, his soft lips right over Anthony’s. Anthony closed his eyes, smiling as he relished the kiss he had waited so long to happen.

“Anthony,” Loki murmured when they parted, “Listen to me, I love you. I always will.”

Anthony was in a high, far too over the moon to realize the odd structure in the way Loki phrased his sentence. He merely nodded. “I love you too, Loki.”

“Would you sleep in my bed tonight? Nothing sexual, of course. I would just like to spend the night with you,” Loki said softly, stroking his hand over Anthony’s cheek.

Anthony grinned. “I would love to, Lokes.”

\--- --- ---

** _two days later_ **

Anthony was leaning on Loki’s chest as they laid in Loki’s bed, the picture of absolute domesticity. Loki had a book floating in front of him and Anthony was tinkering absentmindedly with a tiny invention of his.

“Hey, Lokes?” Anthony piped up after a while.

Loki looked at him. “Yes, my love?”

“When can I see your palace in Asgard?” They had, after all, met in Alfheim, and Loki has been staying here since. Anthony had yet to visit Asgard himself.

He felt Loki stiffen beneath him. “Sometime soon.”

“Well, I really—” increasing shouts and commotion was heard below them, cutting Anthony off. His eyes widened and he sat upright. “What’s that?”

Loki muttered something under his breath, closing his book. “Perhaps sooner than I thought,” he mumbled. He slipped away from Anthony, standing and peering over the window. “Anthony, remember my promise, yes?”

“What—” a piercing scream echoed _just outside_ the room and Anthony swallowed. “What’s that noise?”

“That, my love,” Loki sighed and turned around, giving Anthony an apologetic smile, “is simply my people taking over your castle.”

“What?” Anthony screeched, much louder than the scream that had echoed earlier. “Loki, this isn’t funny—”

Loki shook his head, walking to Anthony to press a finger to his lips. “I bear no jest. Alfheim has something Asgard desires and we shall take it and your people as our prisoners. Thus, on this day, we have declared war on Alfheim.”

Anthony felt his heart _sinking _at that and the pendant around his neck suddenly felt much heavier. _Loki _of all beings betrayed him. _Loki_. _His _Loki. The one he had spent over a month with. His perfect lover.

“It was all a lie...” Anthony said in a hush whisper as the dreaded realization dawned on him. “You were merely a way to get inside... you _used _me.”

Loki frowned. “My love for you was no lie, Anthony. I admit that I did begin to court you out of necessity but I _did _fall in love with you along the way. I keep my promise, Anthony. No physical harm shall ever descend you.”

“No wonder you emphasized on physical,” Anthony growled, getting off the bed. He had left his sword in _his _room so here he was defenseless.

There was a sudden banging on Loki’s door and Loki’s eyes widened. He grabbed Anthony by the hand. “You must listen to me. I have done everything I can to ensure that Asgard understands that you are to be harmed under any circumstance but you _must_ play by the rules.”

Anthony shoved him away. “If you think I will betray _my _people for you, Asgardian, then you know even less about loyalty than I first thought.”

“Anthony—”

“I’d rather be killed than play by your rules,” Anthony spat. The door burst open and three Asgardians in full battle armor were on the other side, bowing to Loki.

“My Prince, we have retrieved Skofnung and the stone and have taken the rest of the royal family prisoners.”

Anthony spun around to face Loki and gave him an incredulous look. “You wanted Skofnung? Why did you not negotiate with Alfheim instead? You utter—”

“Ah, but Asgard are a people of battle. Where is the fun in negotiation?”

Blinded by rage, Anthony reached up and slapped Loki on the cheek, the sound echoing in the chamber. “You are absolutely _sick_.”

One of the Asgardians reacted as though Anthony had slapped her and she stomped over, ready to grab Anthony. “You _dare_ disrespect a Prince of Asgard—"

“Leave him, Sif,” Loki said, waving his hand in the air. “He’s my prisoner, I can handle him.”

“Like Hel you will,” yelled Anthony, spitting right at Loki’s face. Loki sighed, wiping it off. He snapped his fingers and chains began to wind itself around Anthony, binding his arms.

“Like Hel I am,” Loki confirmed, putting his hand on Anthony’s shoulder. “Time for you to see Asgard in all its glory, my love.”

\--- --- ---

Anthony was in a cell.

He had no idea where his parents were nor did he know how much time had passed since he was brought here. The last he saw of Loki was when they teleported to Asgard and Loki had instructed some guards to take Anthony down to the dungeons. Anthony had reacted harshly but in the end, they were able to subdue him enough to bring him here.

It had been quite a long wait before Loki appeared in front of the cell, dressed in his Asgardian battle armor. Anthony always thought he looked good in that. Now, though? Not so much.

“After everything, you still have it in you to visit me?” Anthony said lowly, standing up from the floor and walking closer to Loki. He leaned forward, angry. “Why? Have you come to gloat? To mock?”

Loki put his hands behind his back and ascended the steps to the cell. “I cannot be apologetic, Anthony, but I am not here to boast either.”

Anthony scoffed. “Then what are you here for?”

“I believe to at least owe you an explanation,” Loki admitted. His form shimmered and suddenly he was in the cell with Anthony. Anthony narrowed his eyes, knowing this was no more than an illusion.

“Whatever explanation you have for me, I do not want to hear it. You lied to me, betrayed me, you have killed my people and taken everything I have. No explanation will ever give you any redemption.”

“It is not redemption I seek from you, nor do I seek forgiveness. It is only understanding,” Loki said, approaching Anthony with proper caution despite the fact that Anthony could not harm a mere illusion. “I cannot visit you because Thor has forbidden me from doing so. Do you know why that is, Anthony?”

Anthony remained silent.

“Because he thinks I will break you out, set you free. And perhaps I will, if the temptation is strong enough,” Loki chuckled dryly. He looked at the necklace that Anthony could not find it in himself to take off. “That necklace is the only reason you are safe, Anthony. I warned them if they harmed you, they will be killed instantly.”

“So if this is the only thing protecting me, then what of my family? My people? Who’s protecting them?”

Loki gave him a sad smile and Anthony really wished he could punch him. “I am afraid they were not offered the same protection as you. Your mother and father are strong, they have spirit like you but I am not certain how long they can keep up such _spirit_. Your people, on the other hand, are now under Asgard’s rule.”

“I thought Asgard ended its war-hungry regime,” Anthony muttered. There _had _been a time where Asgard ruled over all the realms but that had been ages ago, Anthony had not been alive for it yet and now...

Loki shrugged. “My brother is king now. Things have changed.”

“Oh, so you’re _his _puppet now,” Anthony sneered, knowing this to be a sore point for Loki.

“I am loyal to the crown,” Loki responded, stiff.

Anthony crossed his arms. “Is that so? Your loyalty seems a bit _flimsy _to me.”

“I can rid you of any protection, Anthony.” Loki glared at him. “Do not test me.”

“Oh, then go ahead and rid me of it. Why protect me? Just _kill me_, my Prince. Get it over with!” Anthony shouted, punching Loki in the face. But as expected, his hand went right through. He growled in frustration and added, “You’ve taken everything else, why not my life too?”

“I cannot do that, Anthony,” Loki murmured regretfully.

Anthony recoiled. “And why not?”

“I love you too much to lose you.”

“If you loved me then how are you okay with this? Does it make you happy to take everything from me? Is that _love_?”

“Anthony—”

“Get out, Loki,” Anthony growled, his voice steel and cold. “and don’t you ever come back.”

“I only want—"

“I said _get out_!” Anthony finally roared, “I don’t ever want to see you again!”

Loki took a step back and his jaw clenched as though he wanted to say something but thought better of it. He disappeared.

And Anthony never saw him again.

The necklace that hung around him would not budge, no matter how much Anthony tried to rid of it. It was a cruel torment. The irony of the necklace was that it was meant to protect him.

All it did was serve as a reminder of what he once had, and all that he lost to the man who gave it to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a few centuries of Anthony's imprisonment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for @Rabentocther and @Anonymous for the ideas!!
> 
> \--
> 
> square G2: descent into madness (for the first half of this chapter, at least)

Prince Loki of Asgard was first a prince and second a lover.

He reminded himself of that every time his eyes caught the stairwell that led to the dungeons. He reminded himself of that every time Thor would make a slight regarding Alfheim or its royal family. He reminded himself of that every time he felt the bundle of regret announce itself in his heart.

It was that reminder that lasted him the entire century since Anthony’s imprisonment.

And then begun former Prince Anthony’s slow descent into the madness of isolation—with which Loki had expected would come sooner than it had.

There was a scrying bowl in Loki’s room, a gift from his late mother. Before Anthony, he had hardly touched it. Now, it was all he ever looked at. The bowl allowed him to watch Anthony without Anthony having to see him. After all, the former prince had been quite clear when he expressed his wishes to never see Loki again.

Loki eyed the scrying bowl with a heavy heart that he never knew existed until he met Anthony. Anthony was staring at the spoon he held in his hands, his food untouched in front of him. He was sprawled on the floor, back to the wall. There was no mistaking the pale look on his face from his adamant refusal to eat anything the guards gave him. The necklace around him could only do so much to sustain his health. It only did bare minimum, giving Anthony enough strength to continue living.

Loki knew Anthony was wishing for death.

Anthony gave the spoon a small tap and then he hurled it toward one of the cell barriers. The barrier did not break, of course.

Sometimes, Loki would catch Anthony trying to amuse himself with mundane things. Most of the time, he would spend sleeping. Now, it seemed, he was doing neither of those things. He was angry. At what, Loki was not certain.

He continued to watch.

Come half a century after that, Loki caught Anthony holding a metal shard to his arm. A frown was etched on his face as he attempted to scrape it on himself. The shard sparked and turned to dust the moment it harshly came contact with Anthony.

“Just let me die, please...” Anthony then begged, looking up at nothing in particular as though he could sense Loki watching him.

Two centuries later since Anthony’s imprisonment, Loki began to worry even more.

Anthony had begun to speak to himself more often than not. A few times, it would appear he was talking to someone but there was never anyone nearby. At first, Loki had suspected he was able to contact someone outside but he soon realized that this was Anthony’s way of coping.

“Hello,” Anthony chuckled half-heartedly, reaching out his hand to shake the air. “I’m... I’m...” his eyebrows furrowed and he closed his eyes, leaning back, “I don’t know who I am...”

Loki’s heart clenched at that and he forced himself to stop watching the scene. It was then he questioned what he was doing here, exactly. What he was doing watching the man he loves waste away his beautiful, _beautiful _mind.

_What for?_ Loki asked himself when he had the safety of his own thoughts. _This life that I lead, what do I live it for?_

_For Asgard_, a voice answers. It was more his father’s than his own.

Another half century later, Loki found himself escorting another prisoner into the dungeons. This time it was a semi-powerful being from Muspelheim that Thor had beaten in battle. Of course, Loki was left to pick up the scraps.

Because the only empty cell at the time was the one next to Anthony’s, Loki had to repeatedly tell himself that under no circumstance was he going to acknowledge Anthony’s presence.

His plan was following through until he was actually standing next to Anthony’s cell and the Elf was staring at the floor, an absent gaze in his eyes as he squinted at Loki but there was nothing resembling recognition on his face.

Loki had to blink back his tears. Of course, how could he expect his Anthony to recognize him if Anthony did not even recognize himself anymore?

“Brother!” Thor’s voice thundered through the halls. Loki closed his eyes. _Always around to interfere_.

He turned away from Anthony and gave his brother a forced smile. “Yes, Thor?”

“I was just making sure everything’s alright, yes?” Thor patted Loki’s shoulder but Loki could feel the underlying warning. This was the first time Loki has been near Anthony in three centuries, after all.

Anthony tilted his head and then he snorted a bit, not saying a word.

“He’s gone mad,” Loki muttered, trying to keep the concern from finding its way to his face.

Thor chuckled as though this was the most amusing thing he has seen in a while. “Took him long to break. His parents lost spirit within the first half century!”

“That’s nice...” Loki muttered.

“Ah, well, I come bearing interesting news, brother! The Warriors Three and I recently took to Alfheim to look through its castle once again and we were searching through Anthony’s rooms and we found a dagger carved with your names.”

Loki’s head shot up. “Pardon?” he rasped, “You found what?”

“A dagger, see.” Thor dug into one of his pockets and presented the sheathed dagger to Loki. “You really tricked him into falling for you. Nicely done.”

Loki’s eye twitched as he reached over to take the dagger from Thor. He had not known Anthony had been in the middle of creating something for him. He examined the hilt. True to Thor’s words, _Anthony _and _Loki _were engraved on it with a heart in between their names. Runes ran down the sides of the dagger, too. Anthony had been studying a few protection and battle spells for this.

“I see...” Loki murmured.

“Anyway, brother, supper will start soon. Let us go. This place is rather disgusting.”

This was Asgard’s _king_, Loki had to remind himself. There was only so much his self-control could do to prevent him from stabbing Thor with the new dagger he had acquired.

He gave Anthony one last longing glance before following Thor out of the dungeons.

\--- --- ---

Loki threw the dagger towards the target and it embedded itself in the red mark. There was no doubting the craftsmanship of the dagger was perfect. But of course, why would he expect anything less from Anthony?

As he walked over to his dagger, the sound of hooves on the ground began to approach and there His Majesty was, riding along his friends. Thor waved at Loki, covered in blood and sweat. “You should have come along, Loki! The Vanir were begging for mercy.”

Loki clenched his jaw and forced out a, “Perhaps next time.”

This was the sixth realm Asgard has conquered since Thor came into ruling. The only realms that have not been touched were Midgard and Helheim. Thor could not attack Midgard. The Norns themselves have decreed it that Midgard would never partake in inter-realm wars until such a time they become aware of the other realms existing (Midgard was quite ignorant). Although, inter-realm wars aside, from what Loki has heard, they were doing quite a good job at ruining itself on its own.

Helheim, on the other hand... well, there was nothing for Thor to touch there anyway unless he possessed a sudden interest in lost souls.

“Will you come celebrate with us tonight?” Thor grinned.

Loki nodded stiffly. Thor was a warmonger, no doubt. His lust for war was in no way reasonable anymore. It hadn’t been reasonable when he first attacked Alfheim but this... this was getting a little bit out of hand.

“A little bit is the understatement of this millennium,” Loki scoffed to himself. He glared at Thor’s disappearing figure and yanked the dagger out of the target. And then then and there, he decided, “To hell with the throne.” Perhaps Anthony had been right. His loyalty _was _a bit flimsy, after all.

\--- --- ---

Ten years of slightly avoiding Thor later, Loki had a plan.

He shoved the most recent prisoner inside a newly emptied cell and with sleight of hand, attached a runestone to his clothing. It was quick work and no one had seen it. The runestone would activate in a few moments and it will set off an explosion in the cell and others nearby. It would be enough to cause quite the commotion.

Loki counted in his head as he began to walk away. When he arrived at twenty, glass shattered behind him and it was pure _chaos_. He would have stood back and admired it had he not a mission in mind.

Taking the form of one of the prisoners, Loki ran over to Anthony’s cell and disabled the barrier with his magic. But instead of a hopeful, excited reaction from Anthony, all he got was a blank stare.

“Norns,” Loki murmured as he saw the dead gaze in Anthony’s eyes. What was he _thinking? _Where was Anthony to go if he was free? Would Anthony even know how to act a free man anymore?

Clearly, the answer was no.

Loki looked around and figured he still had enough time before the guards managed to subside the chaos. He conjured a double of himself, pretended to ‘kill’ his prisoner image and in the cell, it was just him and Anthony.

“Anthony...” Loki said, cautiously reaching out to take Anthony’s hand in his, “You will feel a little disoriented. Close your eyes.” And then he brought them back to his chambers before he could think of a better idea.

Anthony blinked when they arrived in Loki’s room, looking around with a subtle frown on his face. He said nothing.

There was not very much Loki could do at the moment. His mind weighed between leaving Anthony here to talk to Thor and staying here and keeping Anthony for himself and act as though Anthony had run away. However, someone had likely seen him take Anthony. He had to speak with Thor about this. It was far better to try and reason with Thor than for Thor to think he was betraying the crown.

Loki set Anthony down on his bed. “Stay here, I will be back soon.”

Anthony gave no hint that he even heard Loki’s statement. He continued to stare blankly at the wall.

Loki was tempted to lean down and kiss him but it was much too soon... perhaps it was not even something that could happen ever again. Anthony would never forgive him and he had perfect reason not to.

Not wanting to waste more time, Loki disappeared from his room and appeared in the throne room, walking towards Thor with an air of both confidence and respect. He gave a small bow, an arm crossed over his chest.

“Brother, you have heard of the recent explosion in the dungeons, yes?” Loki asked, straightening himself.

Thor huffed. “Of course. We have yet to round up all the prisoners.”

“I have caught one of them trying to escape,” Loki said sweetly, “The dear former prince of Alfheim. If I may,” he tried to make his expression as sympathetic as possible, “I fear the recent events in the dungeons will not prove to be capable of holding the prince. He would, after all, make a difficult enemy if he is able to run free. As my thrall, he will be kept under better watch.”

Thor shifted in his throne and gave Loki a small frown. “And this has nothing to do with having feelings for him still? Do I have your word on that?”

Loki’s word meant nothing. He nodded. “It does not. You have my word.”

“Seeing as it has been centuries,” Thor hummed, his hand resting on Mjölnir’s hilt, “I supposed you no longer harbor any feelings so I shall allow it.”

How easy it was to sway Thor so long as they were not in the talk of war. Loki held back a snort and gratefully smiled at Thor. “You will not be disappointed, brother.”

Now all he needed was for Anthony to heal. It would be no easy task. On one hand, he needed to train Anthony to act like a thrall when they were in public but in private, Loki needed him to become himself again. Become _Anthony _again so that he could escape and live a better life. Preferably on Midgard where Thor will not be able to reach him.

When Loki went back to his room, Anthony was lying down on the bed this time, staring at the ceiling.

“Anthony?” Loki asked tentatively, walking over without much noise so Anthony would not be startled.

Anthony turned his head, eyes rather wide.

Loki tried to keep his emotions at bay. This was not the time to panic nor cry. He sat on the edge of the bed. “Anthony, what do you know?”

Anthony shook his head. It was hardly an answer. Loki could tell, what he was trying to say, though. _Nothing, I remember nothing._

“What about me?” Loki pressed, “Do you remember me?”

Anthony squinted up at him and slowly shook his head.

Loki swallowed. That was for the best, was it not? Anthony not remembering Loki was the perfect opportunity to rebuild his bond with Anthony. A fresh start. Were Loki a worse man, he would lie to Anthony. Or he would make Anthony fall in love with him again and keep their past a secret.

But Loki loved Anthony too much and over the centuries, he had realized he has wronged him plenty. He did not wish to add up.

“Perhaps in time you will remember,” Loki said. It was better that way. Him telling Anthony would pain him too much. Anthony figuring it out on his own was the neutral course of action. Loki gave his ex-lover a weak smile. “For now, we have a few things to discuss.”

Anthony bit his lip. He was nervous. Loki hoped he would talk but after centuries of isolation, perhaps that was a bit too much to ask.

“I am a prince of Asgard.” Loki grimaced when Anthony flinched. “It is with regret that I tell you this. I have taken you away from isolation, Anthony, but it has come with a price.”

A shudder.

“I want to help you, Anthony, I really do. I have your best interest at heart, please understand that,” Loki said. He _needed _Anthony to understand that. “Outside of this room, I will need you to act as a thrall. That is what the king knows and we cannot have him find out otherwise. But,” he added quickly, “In this room, we are equals. That is what we are, do you understand?”

Anthony furrowed his eyebrows, licking his lips before he nodded a bit. There was hesitation in his eyes but he did not think to question Loki. Loki frowned. He hated this. He wanted Anthony to question him. He did not like the feeling of having this much control over Anthony—it was unnerving.

“All you have to do is follow anything I say when we’re not in here. You also can’t look me or anyone else in the eye. When we’re outside, understood? _Just _when we’re outside. In this room, you can be yourself. Question me, disobey me, get angry, cry. I do not care. It is your right, do you understand?” Loki said and then repeated, “Do you understand?”

Anthony shook his head.

Loki frowned. “What do you not understand?”

Anthony shrugged.

This was proving to be more difficult than he had initially expected but who was Loki to complain? This was harder for Anthony than it was for him. Loki could do this. He will bring his Anthony back whatever it took.

He stood and took a roll of parchment from his drawer and took a quill as well. He then handed it to Anthony, hoping it would work. “Only if you want to,” he said softly.

Anthony took the parchment, his hands trembling. He stared at the parchment, up at Loki, then back at the parchment. His lips parted and Loki thought he was about to speak but he snapped it shut immediately. Anthony put the quill on the parchment and with shaky hands, he began to write.

Loki waited patiently. Anthony had not written in a long time, patience was needed.

When Anthony was done, he handed the paper to Loki who took it with a soft smile. He looked at the parchment.

_Why so different?_ Was scrawled on the upper left.

Why indeed. Loki looked up. “Well, I want to help you and this is the only way I know how to. I know it is not ideal but... I do not exactly have better ideas, I am sorry. Anthony.” Loki grasped Anthony’s hand and looked him in the eyes. “I am _so _sorry.”

Anthony could only stare back with confusion.

\--- --- ---

** _three decades later_ **

Some days were better than others. Some days, such as this, Loki had to treat Anthony like a thrall.

Loki put his hand on Anthony’s head and looked down at him, feeding him a small slice of apple. They were sat on the dining table. Or rather, Loki was sat and Anthony knelt beside him.

“They were _begging _for me to have mercy. It was wonderful!” Thor exclaimed, his glass of mead slamming on the table. And then he turned to Loki. “You have not joined us in conquest in quite a while, brother.”

Some things never changed. Like Thor.

“I have been quite busy,” Loki said, his hand running through Anthony’s hair.

Thor huffed. “You have only been locked in your rooms. What is it you do anyway? Surely this thrall of yours cannot keep you entertained for very long.”

Loki clenched his jaw, his hand tightening in Anthony’s hair. “He keeps me entertained enough.” 

Thor gave him a knowing smile and raised his glass. The rest of the council snickered in agreement as he said, “I see how it is, brother. That is good of you to maximize its use.”

“Truly,” muttered Loki. He put his spoon down, letting it clatter against his plate. “I am very tired, I think it is time for me to retire for the night.” Loki pushed back his chair and tugged Anthony up. “Come on.”

A low whistle came from one of Thor’s friends and then followed by laughter by the table. Loki grit his teeth as he and Anthony walked away. Did Thor truly think so low of Loki to think he would take advantage of the only being he has ever loved? Thor was not the smartest, though, so Loki tried not to take it to heart.

Days like these were decent once Loki was able to retire to his chambers.

But other days were far better—days he could spend the entire time treating Anthony as his equal. On this such day, he was looking for something to buy for Anthony.

“This should do,” Loki hummed, handing the metal pieces to the shopkeeper. “This is the best metal there is, yes?”

The shopkeeper nodded. “Yes, Your Highness.” And then he proceeded to pack up the parts and give Loki his change. Loki took the items he purchased and gave a courteous nod before going back to his chambers where Anthony awaited.

Anthony was on the floor, tinkering with a few other things that Loki had brought him in the past few years. At the moment, it seemed, he was in the middle of making some sort of gauntlet that Loki could not understand. They were still yet to exchange words but Anthony had at least somehow warmed up to him.

“I brought you some more things,” Loki smiled. He loved to shower Anthony with things even if they were not lovers. Anything for love, Loki had finally learned.

Anthony grinned up at him and took the metal items and spread them out on the floor. After a moment’s hesitation, Anthony looked down and Loki was about to leave it at that. Then suddenly—

“Thank you,” Anthony mumbled.

Loki’s head shot up and he looked at Anthony with wide eyes. “Anthony,” he breathed.

Anthony’s voice was rough from _years _of disuse but he shrugged. “Loki. Thank you.”

“I—you’re welcome...”

Anthony smiled and with that, Loki’s heart fluttered.

After that day, Anthony slowly began to become more talkative. It was the best Loki has felt in a while. It felt like he was finally getting his Anthony back. Thought, not _his _Anthony. But the Anthony he knew before the war.

“Hey, Loki?” Anthony asked one day when they were lounging in Loki’s chambers.

Loki looked up from his book. “Yes?”

Anthony pursed his lips. “Remember the day you took me from the dungeons?”

Loki put the book down. “Yes, of course I do.”

“You asked me if I remembered you.”

There was tense silence for a moment before Loki licked his lips and nodded. “I did, yes. What about it?” Did Anthony remember? Was this the part where he would yell at Loki and proceed to ignore him?

“Well, you left one of your drawers open, you see, and I... kind of caught a glimpse of the dagger inside?” Anthony said sheepishly.

Loki swallowed. “Okay, and?”

“Anthony heart Loki. That... that’s what it said. Well, I’m Anthony. You’re Loki. So,” Anthony sat up straighter, “Maybe you can tell me what I am missing?”

Loki gave a pained smile. “It will be much easier if you remember—”

“But I _don’t_. It has been three decades since you saved me and there is no way I am getting my memory back any time soon. Why not just tell me?” Anthony frowned. “We were lovers, right? What else could that mean? But... why was I in a cell then?”

“Anthony...”

Anthony folded his arms and he seemed adamant about this. “I am not to eat until you tell me.”

And what was Loki to do, honestly? Deny Anthony the right to the truth? Perhaps a past Loki would have done so but the current Loki could not bear to see his lover in pain from being kept in the dark. The current Loki knew how much mistakes the past Loki has committed and did not wish to repeat them—especially those concerning Anthony.

But... telling would not suffice. It would be biased to Loki’s point of view. It would not do Anthony justice.

Sighing, Loki reached up his hand to place it on Anthony’s forehead. “Perhaps I should show you...”

\--- --- ---

Loki would say it wasn’t fair.

But it was. And he saw it coming.

Having it happen, though? That was a different matter altogether.

Since Anthony learned of the past, he had become more cold and closed off. It wasn’t the same as the time he did not speak, either. This time, he would not look at Loki, would reply with a ‘Yes, Your Highness or ‘No, Your Highness’ to whatever Loki said and acted exactly like any other servant did.

He was no longer Loki’s friend or equal and that hurt more than Loki had expected to.

He did try, at first, to mend things, but Anthony would shrug off all his advances. Then Loki tried to shower him with gifts but Anthony would refuse all offers and Loki has seen some of his gifts in the trash.

On the second decade Anthony was still cold towards him, Loki had finally gotten the hint to stop and he began to act more like Anthony’s prince than friend or lover.

That did not mean he stopped caring about Anthony, though.

The past two decades had finally made him realize that this was no place for Anthony. During Anthony’s time as Loki’s friend, a part of Loki had hoped that Anthony could stay here forever. It was a delusion Loki had made for himself. In reality, Anthony needed to be far from Asgard, away from Loki, so he could live the life he deserved—contribute to the universe with that brilliant mind of his.

Which was why Loki decided that he would help Anthony escape.

With Anthony being angry at him, though, there was no way he would accept Loki’s help. Loki had to do it discretely.

“Anthony, I have a meeting today,” Loki announced, fixing himself up in the mirror. Anthony was on the floor, sitting down and doing nothing. He looked up at Loki and shrugged. That was all the answer Loki was going to get.

Loki had slipped one of his best enchanted daggers on the bottom of his pants earlier and so as he walked out of his room, he used his magic to force it to slip on the floor and thud on the carpet, enough for Anthony to notice. And then he walked out, pretending not to notice.

That was step one.

Step two was drawing up schematic plans of the palace and a map of Asgard _and _a secret entrance to Midgard. To use the Bifrost would be next to impossible since Heimdall guarded its gates.

Loki then pretended to work on the plans on his desk. After a long while, he yawned, stood up and stretched. “We should sleep.” Not that his opinion mattered to Anthony. The Elf had set up a bed on the floor and has been sleeping there for two decades now.

Loki then shoved the schematics underneath his bed and went to bed quick.

The next day, the plans were no longer underneath his bed and he bit back a smile as he asked Anthony, “Have you seen the papers I was working on yesterday?”

“No, Your Highness,” Anthony replied in what was a blatant lie.

He gave Anthony time to study the plans. Loki would occasionally leave the room with the door locked and allowed Anthony to plan out his escape—Anthony was a smart man, he would have no problem planning it. Also, he had Loki’s necklace to protect him in case he was attacked.

A year later, he figured Anthony had a proper plan set out—if the way he was acting more tense was any indication.

A year later, Loki stood by the door and gave Anthony a small smile.

“Anthony?”

Anthony cleared his throat. “Yes, Your Highness?”

“I love you,” Loki whispered.

Anthony’s eyes widened and then he watched Loki leave the room. Loki left the door unlocked this time.

When he came back, Anthony was no longer there. What was left was a small piece of parchment on Loki’s bed.

_I love you too. _Anthony had written. _But some things I still cannot forgive. I am sorry._

And with that, Loki walked to his scrying bowl and watched the man he loved run off to Midgard and make a life for himself there. Perhaps when things were better, he could visit.

He would keep his promise, though—Loki would never allow any harm to fall upon his beloved. No matter how much emotional pain it caused Loki, he would watch Anthony every day to make sure he was safe.

It was only a little bit of sacrifice for love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry :")

**Author's Note:**

> ... sorry?
> 
> how was it?


End file.
